Her Dude & His Leading Lady
by truglasgowgal
Summary: Otherwise known as The Life & Times of Tony and Barbara Puckerman.


A/N: This is a conjoined effort by Vette and myself to bring to life one of the best, most legendary, ideas from fanforum yet – this ones for all you Puckleberries! :P  
Because I need a break from angst. Because these ideas are not meant to be hidden away. Because the world needs more crack!fics – LOL

Hope you enjoy the first installment - they'll likely vary quite considerably in content, style, humour et al as we progress ;P

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**Title:** Her Dude & His Leading Lady**  
Disclaimer:** All the awesomeness that follows belongs to us! Lol, no, not really, only the characters you don't recognize and the 'plot points' are ours.**  
Summary:** Otherwise known as The Life & Times of Tony and Barbara Puckerman.

_"It was more than a dream; it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew, and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants."  
**Noah Puckerman**_

_This is what happens after he gets in her pants. You know, when they procreate._

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Chapter One: Musical Inspiration

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**_That! That! Dude looks like a lady!_**_**  
That! That! Dude looks like a lady!**_

"Barbara Caroline Puckerman!"

The woman's voice piqued over the music, just as the little girl landed from her jump perfectly in time with her cue. The youngster lifted her gaze from the boy sitting cross-legged and scowling before her, to see her mother staring her down with that _crazy-mad-look_ in her eyes. She also looked to be mildly in pain.

"You stop singing that song right this instant, young lady," the elder instructed, her tone the _no-nonsense_ one she often adopted when in talks with her husband over certain matters that their children were never privy to. "And stop pointing at your brother."

"But Momma," the tiny brunette appealed to the elder, clearly displeased by the instruction, as she lowered her arm from where she had been gesturing to her brother while she _sang _the lyrics. "It's a _metaphor_."

"Is that so?" was her mother's response, her raised eyebrow a _metaphor _for her obvious skepticism at her daughter's words.

"Yes," the five-year-old told her, drawing out the word slowly for emphasis like she'd often seen her mother do with her father's name when she wanted something _really bad_.

She had finally allowed the backing vocals to overshadow her own, much to her mother's approval; yes, even at the tender age of five, she really was _that bad_.

She titled her head, puckering her brow and lips the way her Daddy had taught her to, and looked up at her mother with wide, blinking emerald eyes.

"Because Tony's a lady-boy," she informed her mother, in a tone that suggested their roles had been reversed.

Her mother's eyebrows skyrocketed towards her hairline, and she thought about abandoning her bid to notify the elder on the whole subject; but then she remembered her mother's imposing words of wisdom that had been imprinted on her since birth. Honestly, it'd been in her mom's acceptance speech when she'd won her last Tony, before _Tony_ came along. And they were inspiring words, a phrase to live by; and since her _Mom_ quoted them _all the time_, they must impress an important life-lesson.

_The show must go on_.

"And if _I_ don't enlighten the poor boy, how is he _ever_ supposed to learn?"

Despite her methods; which although not virtuoso, were inspired nonetheless; she did have a point. Except her brother evidently thought otherwise.

"I'll read it in a book," Tony replied tartly, and threw his sister a haughty look that dared her to respond in kind as he stood up, snapped his hand to his hip and popped it at the same time.

Barbara did not disappoint. She looked the six-year-old up and down, from his shiny white toe-points to his charcoal-gray matching pants-and-vest set to the starched collar of his crisp white shirt and the tie that matched his vibrant red fedora, perched off his perfectly styled dark hair at a carefully-calculated angle.

"You look like a Ken doll that Barbie jus' threw up _West Side Story_ all over. And you know Mom's favorite is _Spring Awakening_," the girl responded, sending her brother a smug look.

And then her face brightened significantly and her eyes lit up with mischief that could only have been an expression she inherited from her father; and a sudden realization seemed to befall her five-year-old mind.

"You model yourself on the characters from musicals!" she exclaimed at that; and their was triumph in her voice, as she began to dance around the room in a dazzling display that showcased her immediate feelings of pride in herself.

Barbara suddenly stopped a moment later, instantly doubling over with laughter and pointing at her older brother as the words tumbled from her lips, "No wonder you dress like a Nancy-boy! You're modeling yourself on a _gay_ musical!"

Tony's leapt across the short distance that separated him from his sister in a move that would've made any experienced _ballerina_ proud, while Barbara skipped gleefully out of his reach in a move that would've made any experienced _basketball player_ proud.

The startling-contrast between the two had yet to go unnoticed by their mother.

Rachel (_Berry_) Puckerman took a deep breath, inwardly congratulating herself for ever masterminding such an ingenious method of quieting and stilling her model-child and his rogue counterpart. Then she calmly released all her recent pent-up tension in the form of a high-f.

That never failed to get their attention.

**_  
TBC…_**

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A/N: no offense is intended from any opinion expressed in my fic. Just because it's the characters, doesn't mean it's mine

This will probably be a series of one-shots of any and every idea that comes into either of our minds. Feel free to request any ideas, the crazier the better – an if you post or lurk on ff, you should know this is true by our epic displays of spamming with said ideas lol.  
And on that note, if you don't, you should come join us – you'll experience an indescribable amount of fun and hilarity on that board!

Thanks for reading, and please review with your thoughts :D  
xxx


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